I was recently in the beauty salon this past Saturday listening to the musings of some wonderful black women on an array different topics. You know, Jennifer Hudson’s new baby and other gossip topics from the week. Then the ladies started to talk about President Obama and how they feel about how he’s doing. An older woman getting rollers put in her hair says, “Well, I think he’s doing a good job for the mess he has to put up with on both sides.” Another woman waiting for her turn in the chair says, “I hope they are keeping him safe because these white folks are acting crazy.” The discussion went on for a little while longer, but it was my turn under the dryer and I couldn’t hear much else, so I took a nap (What? Don’t look at me like that. I had a 7:30am appointment and I was tired).
After I left the salon, I went over to my mother’s house to show off my new ‘do and I decided to ask her what she thinks about President Obama. She told me, “Well… things could be better, but things could be a whole lot worse. I think some people forget that and seem to have forgotten how bad it was when Bush (she practically spits out his name) was in office.”
I figure she’s right. Things could be a lot worse and it seems as if the people who are never satisfied with President Obama, no matter what he does, have forgotten that. “Comedian” Bill Maher once told his audience that the President was not their boyfriend and he’s right. I just wish he and other fauxgressives (looking at you too Arianna Huffington) would stop acting like it.
These people really act like they are in a relationship with the President. It’s really quite funny and as I kept thinking about this more and more, I decided to let my imagination run away with me and have a little fun with this…
So it’s the winter of 2007 and you’re in a really bad relationship with this George guy. He is embarassing to be around. He’s always drunk in public and he never goes to work. He always has to go to his ranch. He’s abusive towards you. Threatens you and tells you that you’re either with him or against him. You have dealt with this shit long enough and like Chrisette Michelle, you had an epiphany. You didn’t have to put up with his crap anymore. You were gonna live the single life.
You start hanging out with your homegirls Hillary, Billie, and Terry. They tell you that you’ll be okay and that you can move on. You do, but one day you run into this guy named Barack. He seems to be a really nice guy. The complete opposite of your ex-boyfriend. He’s tall, handsome, and intelligent. A little lanky for your taste, but he makes up for it with his wit and humor. You tell your girlfriends about him and they go completely ballistic.
“You know, he’s a little young for you. He’s inexperienced and hasn’t been in a long-term relationship before” said Hillary.
“I don’t think you’re ready to date a black guy” said Billie.
“He’s just an empty suit, trying to get in your pants” said Terry.
You thought they were your friends so you believed them and ignored him. But this Barry guy is quite persistant. He wasn’t tired- he was just getting started. He kept talking to you and easing your mind about all those awful rumors you were hearing from your girlfriends. You found out he wasn’t a Muslim (not that there was anything wrong with that if he was). You found out he had a lot of experience working with real people during his time as a community organizer and you admired that. So you guys got to hang out more and know each other better. Before you knew it, you were hanging out with Hillary, Billie, and Terry less and less.
As time progressed and your relationship grew, he asked you out on a date in November and you agreed. It was the perfect date. He actually came to your doorstep with flowers (something George never did). He took you to a fancy restaurant for dinner and you guys went to that new jazz club for drinks afterwards. You both had a great time and you invited him back to your place. Being the gentleman that he is, he declined but you insisted.
You put in the Maxwell CD and you guys are talking on the couch. He’s whispering sweet nothings in your ear about hope and change and next thing you know, you give it up…..
Once you’ve finished your tryst between the sheets and you’re in the afterglow having pillowtalk, his Blackberry vibrates. He gets up to answer it in the other room and you get suspicious. You wonder who he could be talking to at this time of night. He comes back in the room and tells you, “I’m sorry to have to leave you like this, but something important has come up and I have to go.”
“Go?” you say. “But what about this? What just happened between us? You’re gonna just up and leave after that?”
“I’m sorry. Really, I am, but I have to go. I will call you tomorrow.” He leaves in a hurry and you are left bewildered with a ton of questions and doubts. You start thinking to yourself,
Maybe that was his ex Rahmisha. I never trusted her anyway. She’s a bad influence on him and must be the reason why he’s being so erratic.
Nah…I’ll just talk to him tomorrow.
Tomorrow comes, but no call. A week goes by and you haven’t heard from him so now you think that he just used you to get what he wanted and doesn’t care about your needs. You start to flip out and call him names and leave nasty voicemail messages on his phone.
Hey Barack. This is my 33rd time calling you. Why haven’t you called me back? What? You don’t care about my needs and wants anymore? Is Rahm putting you up to this?!?! You are SO WEAK!!!! You are a weak ass, punk ass bitch who used me and I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! You never keep your promises! Hillary, Billie, and Terry were right! You are just an empty suit!!!! You are just like George! I can’t believe I trusted you!!
^^^Do you see how shrill that sounds? Yeah. Fauxgressives sound like a woman scorned. Please stop it. The President is NOT your boyfriend, your do-boy, or your nigger. The faster you realize that, the better.
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